Posts Tagged ‘Updates & Teasers’

Happy Birthday to Us—Meet the family

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

Can you believe it? After 12 months and 184 posts, the grand experiment that is Slammed & Damned carries on. We still don’t know exactly what kind of site Slammed & Damned wants to be, but I’m beginning to think that will never change. We’ve accepted the fact that our child will never go to medical school and will continue to do whatever he wants, which is fine. He’s always loved movies and the folks that make them, so maybe he’s on the right path.

One thing I have learned over the past year is that the horror blogging community comprises an insane group of talented people that truly love horror flicks and aren’t afraid to tell you why. I’ve made many friends since Slammed & Damned was born, and truth be told, I’ve come to think of them as relatives of a sort. I mean, what is family? Over the years, the definition has gotten bigger and more flexible, but I like to think that a family is a (sometimes disparate) group of people connected by a shared love—I believe that describes horror bloggers perfectly, don’t you?

So, on this, Slammed & Damned’s birthday, I want to take the opportunity not to discuss what Slammed & Damned has done (you know, things like the extended Rolfe Kanefsky interview, my friendly feud with Paul McCartney, my look at the Soska twins or Devi Snively, TFO’s free-wheeling roundtable interview, my philosophical reflections, mini-biosMcT & A’s recent adventures or even the scads of reviews that have been posted). No, I want to focus on this twisted extended family I’ve come into during the past year.

First, you can’t have a family without a mom and dad. And I think we all can agree that the father of all horror bloggers is the wonderful B-Sol over at The Vault of Horror, one of the most comprehensive horror sites on the inwebternet. A noted bon vivant and horror aficionado, B-Sol has gone out of his way to befriend me and offer advice, and for this I thank him graciously. And my horror mom will always be the divine Sarah Jahier over at Fatally Yours. She was the first person to give a virtual home to my screeds, even when my meager writing skills weren’t. Skills, that is (see, they haven’t improved much).

Every family has a couple of wacky brothers, and my brothers in horror are the lovely Chris Hallock over at All Things Horror and the equally lovely Cortez the Killer at Plant of Terror. Chris pretty much is horror in the Boston area, and Cortez regularly slays Dallas and the world with his keen insight and wit. Gentlemen and scholars both, please check ‘em out immediately if not sooner.

No family is complete without a crazy aunt and an off-the-wall sister, and Heidi Martinuzzi and Stacie Ponder, respectively, fill those roles. As you no doubt already know, Heidi is the proprietor the new site called FanGirlTastic, which is a new-and-improved iteration of her trail-blazing site Pretty/Scary. Crazy Aunt Heidi is controversially polarizing and wretched talented and, for some reason, she always makes time for me—time she absolutely doesn’t have because, like a hyper child, she’s in to everything all the time. Stacie, better known as the blogger Final Girl, has been expanding her palette to include all aspects of filmmaking. She’s been a friend for awhile, and I’m proud to watch her grow as an artist. Oh, and we can’t forget my crazy Uncle Johns, John Kenneth Muir and John Cozzoli at Zombos’ Closet of Horror. They are both exceedingly wise men. Read them.

I have to admit that I’m pretty satisfied with what Slammed & Damned has done so far. We have a small, but steady, group of readers, which is fine. Admittedly, Slammed & Damned isn’t for everyone. We don’t really do horror news or cover the big horror films. We just kind of march to the beat of the muse we’re following (and mix our metaphors). But we’ve had a good time and done some cool stuff, with more to come. Of course, I couldn’t do it at all without the help of Kimberly Amato (my director of technology…well, all things ending in “-ology,” actually), a web guru par excellence as well as a talented performer and filmmaker. She’s planning some kind of techie stuff for Slammed & Damned, but (slammed and) damned if I know what it is. Come back and find out with me!

Better minds than mine will have to decide if it’s a coincidence that BP was able to fix the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico during the same week that Slammed & Damned celebrated a birthday. I’m not at liberty to comment on that. One thing I can confirm is that we’ll be here at least another year. How do I know? Well, I paid the rent, of course. Are you scared yet?

~Theron Neel

McT & A Have an Itch for Stacie Ponder

Friday, June 4th, 2010

This just in: Itch, the upcoming short film from the burgeoning empire of Kimberly Amato and Michelle Tomlinson (which I wrote about HERE), has found a director. Noted blogger Stacie Ponder—yes, Final Girl herself—has agreed to take the reins and step behind the camera for McT & A’s latest production.

Ponder is no stranger to the visual arts. She got her start as a painter and comic book artist, but a couple of years ago she began tinkering with video cameras. The result was Ghostella’s Haunted Tomb, an entertaining DIY webseries featuring Pretty/Scary queen bee Heidi Martinuzzi, and Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear, a short film whose cast is made up entirely of fashion dolls. Then, she teamed up with Chainsaw Mafia founder Shannon Lark and headed into the desert with a camera and some booze. The result was the highly anticipated short film Ludlow (which really should be released soon—no, really). At the moment, Stacie is writing and directing the sci-fi extravaganza Space Girls, a webseries about, well, girls in space that “shoot ray guns, fight big monsters, and fly around in rocket ships.” Coincidentally, Space Girls also employs fashion dolls. (I suppose dolls are easy to work with. They don’t cost a lot to feed, don’t expect per diems and never ask about their motivation.) But it also features the voiceover talents of Amanda Deibert, Paula Haifley and Heidi Martinuzzi.

Although Ponder has plenty of filmmaking experience, this project marks the first time she has directed somebody else’s material. Itch was written by Amato, who is also co-producing and co-starring with Tomlinson. When I asked Ponder about her participation, she told me she’s excited, but a little nervous too. “It’s my first time directing for someone else, and my first time with a director of photography. But I’m psyched! I’ve wanted to work with Michelle and Kim for some time, but I never expected they’d hand me a script and say ‘Direct this, please.’ I’m thrilled about Itch. It’s going to be an intense little shoot, and I can’t wait. The blood’s going to fly. In the movie, I mean.”

Tomlinson and Amato are equally delighted about Ponder’s involvement. “Asking Stacie to be on board with this project was a no-brainer,” said Tomlinson. “She’s smart, talented, creative and has a strong personality. I’m stoked to finally be able to work with her.” Amato adds, “After watching Stacie’s work, reading her blog and seeing her fantastic grasp of visuals, the decision was a simple one. I’m honored to be working with her.”

Personally, I think Ponder is a good fit for the material. Itch is a twisted little story, and Ponder is slightly warped herself. She also has a wonderful sense of humor, and material like this could benefit from her sensibility. Production begins next week in L.A., with a very tight shooting schedule. Let’s hope Ponder can bring it in on time and under budget. But, hey, no pressure…

~Theron Neel

We Were Wrong, and I’m Glad We Were Wrong

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

As you most likely know by now, the Los Angeles County Coroner disclosed yesterday that Corey Haim, the charismatic star of such wonderful ‘80s films as The Lost Boys and License to Drive, died of natural causes. The specific cause of death was determined to be pneumonia, which was complicated by damage to the air sacs in his lungs and hardening of his heart muscle due to plaque buildup in the blood vessels. While traces of pot and over-the-counter drugs were found in his system, they were not contributing factors to Haim’s death.

As everyone knows, Haim had his share of troubles during his life. At least he was spared the indignity of death by misadventure. When Haim died last March, most people—myself included—assumed the cause of death to be a drug overdose. I’m pleased to say we were wrong, and I’m glad we were wrong. Now that this is settled, maybe Haim can be remembered for something other than the problems that plagued him. I know that would bring peace to his family and friends.

~Theron Neel

McT & A Ride Again…and Again…and Again

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

Just when you think they can’t achieve any more, they do. It’s now official: Michelle Tomlinson and Kimberly Amato—already among the hardest working actors in town—are working even harder. A recent press release (click below to read) reveals a passel of new projects that promise to keep the thespians busy well into next year. You know what they say. If you want something done right, do it yourself. And that’s exactly what they’ve done. But how, exactly, did they do it?

First, they each formed a production company (Amato’s Little Crown Productions and Tomlinson’s Mighty McT Productions). Then, they joined forces to produce an episode of The Mis-Adventures of McT & A, a webseries that now looks to be a continuing endeavor. A second installment of this comedic venture gets underway soon, with more planned.

After that, they went out and found an independent script to co-produce. Touch, a neo-noir written by Patrick Julian and starring Tomlinson as a private investigator who gets in over her head, is in search of financing and already has a compelling promotional trailer. For most people, that would be plenty. But wait, there’s more.

Next on the slate is two more films—Dreaming Reality, a feature, and Itch, a short—both written by Amato. It’s this last project that I’m most excited about. I got a peek at the screenplay for Itch, and I have to say it’s pretty twisted stuff. I can’t reveal much, but I can divulge that the flick centers on the functionally dysfunctional relationship between two complex women and the men in their life. A brief conversation with Tomlinson produced this cryptic quote: “Even though it’s fictional, it’s an intensely personal script for both [Kimberly and me].” Having read it Itch, that confession has me even more intrigued…and somewhat concerned about these ladies’ mental health.

So, that’s the story so far. It might not be fair to ask, but the only question left for these two dynamos is “what’s next?” (Actually, a better question might be “what’s left?”) According to Amato, the team’s only concern is “to continue to make films we’re proud of and that audiences will enjoy.” While it’s a goal I think these two will attain easily, I hope they allow themselves the occasional break. After all, empire-building is hard work.

~Theron Neel

Coming Soon!

Monday, April 12th, 2010

I know my output has been a bit spotty lately, but don’t worry. I’m going to see a doctor soon. Ho! How’s that for comedy? Really? Okay. Moving on then. I haven’t fed the beast in a while, but I have a good excuse. You see, I’ve been busy goofing off working on something that has taken on a life of its own. So please bear with me, dear readers. Tomorrow, I will have a new piece for you—one that’s salacious in nature! (There will be nudity.) I will be giving you my thoughts on a little something that goes by the name of Kiss Me Quick. And as if that’s not enough (and, trust me, it is), I’ll also be weighing in on a little ditty called House on Bare Mountain. I know, but you don’t have to thank me…unless you want to. Who am I to discourage you?

But until then, I give you this, a teaser if you will (and even if you won’t). Yes, it’s something new from Something Weird for you, friends. See? I know what you like…and it’s not chantilly lace.

~Theron Neel

Odd Ends

Friday, March 26th, 2010

How’s it going, guys? This post is just a catch-up/check-in kinda thing. I have a few odds and ends to pass on about whatever. You know, a clear-the-decks deal. Also, I’ve seen a few different flicks lately, horror and otherwise, that don’t really warrant a full review, so I’m just going to give you some random impressions. Okay? This should be fun, right? And because this is the inwebternet, I’m going to use the easy-to-follow, reader-friendly bullet point format!

  • The recent deaths I’ve written about were unfortunate. But even more unfortunate was the fact that I had to file them under “Other Awesome Stuff.” Tacky, right? I mean, they weren’t an update or teaser; they weren’t a review; and they weren’t an interview. I suppose I could create an “Obituary” category, but that seems even tackier, doesn’t it?
  • Speaking of deaths, Robert Culp has left us. Culp did great work his whole career, including personal favorites such as I-Spy, Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice, Hannie Caulder and Spectre. Rest in peace.
  • Alice in Wonderland—Tim Burton sure seemed like the right choice for this flick. And I suppose he was for about two-thirds of it. But by the time it devolved into grrrl-power Alice running around in armor and fighting for her right to have rights, it was obvious Burton wasn’t any more interested in the outcome than I was. Still, it looked great and Danny Elfman delivered again. Maybe someday Burton will realize it takes more than visual whimsy and a cameo from Johnny Depp to carry a two-hour film. My favorite telling of this tale remains the surreal 1933 film, which was recently released on DVD. Check it out.
  • Zombieland—Saw it, liked it. Lots of fun. The cast was uniformly excellent. Am I the only one that thinks Jesse Eisenberg (aka Columbus) is not aging? He played pretty much the same character in 1992’s Rodger Dodger and he looks unchanged. Somewhere there’s a portrait that is paying the price.
  • Trick ‘r Treat—Saw it, liked it…but not as much as everyone else seemed to. Visually, the movie is amazing—gorgeous colors, wonderful set design, atmosphere for days. But overall, the flick just didn’t work for me. Anthologies are always an iffy proposition. For every good story, there are three that don’t make it. Such is the case here. Also, the whole thing seemed a little too impressed with itself. I get what Michael Dougherty was trying for, but when you can see the narrative trying this hard, it’s distracting (though, I must admit I loved the comic book adaptation). But the costume design for Sam, the bag-headed little kid, is very cool. And I loved the actors—Brian Cox and Dylan Baker in a horror film? Yeah, I’m there. Admittedly, I’ll watch it again in October. Maybe my opinion will mellow with age.
  • Bitch Slap—Some people think it’s terrible because it’s a modern attempt at grindhouse that doesn’t quite make it, and some people think it’s great because it’s a modern attempt at grindhouse that almost makes it. Me? I agree with them. It seems like the filmmakers wanted it to feel like an exploitation flick, but they didn’t really want it to be one. Sure, Bitch Slap loves violence and the female form, but it’s all too tidy. The grindhouse was a place to go to get your hands dirty. This film is just too clean. Also, it’s a tad too precious. The grindhouse was never precious. But there are some fun performances. It’s cool to see the Xena/Hercules crew together again. Michael Hurst is always great. Hey, if you want a real grindhouse flick, they’re easily available nowadays. You can visit anytime. I say see Bitch Slap and treat it like a present you didn’t expect: Gee, it’s wrapped real pretty and it’s always swell when somebody makes an effort—does it really matter that you don’t care for the gift?
  • One in the Gun—Rolfe Kanefsky has long been a favorite of horror fans. But One in the Gun, his latest film, finds him spreading his wings and taking a walk on the neo-noir side. And though the flick doesn’t connect in every way possible, overall it’s a very cool ride. While most of the cast is serviceable at best, I have to say that Katherine Randolph makes an extremely desirable 21st century femme fatale. Hopefully, Kanefsky will be frightening us again soon, but until he does, I’m more than happy to watch him exorcise his crime jones with this hip exercise in crime.
  • The Dunwich Horror (2009)—Man, I don’t know what they were thinking, but they were wrong. This modernization of H. P. Lovecraft’s classic tale is a misfire from the word “go” (some executive should’ve used the word “no”). Even the presence of Jeffrey Combs (in the role Dean Stockwell played in 1970) and Dean Stockwell (in the role Ed Begley played in 1970) can’t keep this from being a total waste of time. I kind of liked the idea of moving the setting from New England to the Louisiana swamps, but that’s about all I liked (and that was just “kind of”). See the 1970 version with the aforementioned Messrs. Begley and Stockwell. That was an update of Lovecraft that worked. Plus, it contains a very sexy performance from Sandra Dee. Poor Lovecraft—like Stephen King, movies of his books are rarely good. At least he’s not alive to see The Horror. Poor Cthulhu—what’s a Great Old One gotta do to get a decent adaptation?

~Theron Neel

Still Cleaning Off the Blood

Monday, March 1st, 2010

I just returned from the Pretty Scary Blood Bath Film Fest, so excuse me if my usual ramblings are less than coherent. The weekend was an orgy of blood, booze, absinthe and automobiles (in various unexpected combinations) so I’m a bit spent, but I will do my best to share my thoughts. In case you didn’t read THIS, the PSBBFF is a fest, sponsored by Damnation Books, that celebrates the work of female horror filmmakers. This was the festival’s first year and I was mightily impressed with the talent on display. I’m not going to review each and every flick that played—that would take way too long. But I will touch on a couple that really made an impression.

First off, look out world—here comes Emily Hagins. Hagins is a 17-year-old high school student from Austin, Texas, who is also a budding auteur. Though she’s been making short films since she was a kid (I mean a littler kid), she made her first feature, Pathogen, when she was 12 (!!). Her latest film, The Retelling, which opened the festival, is an ambitious tale of past sins that come back to haunt a family. This flick’s storyline is tricky, and while Hagins’ chops aren’t yet quite developed enough to effectively realize a narrative this complex, the film she’s made on a $9,000 budget is remarkable. She’s written a deep, compelling story, with wonderful dialogue, and turned out a movie that shows a phenomenal grasp of filmmaking skills. As a director, Hagins gets amazing performances from her actors, most of whom were beginners. The Retelling looks much more expensive than it was and though it doesn’t succeed completely, it’s an impressive achievement for any indie filmmaker, let alone one so young. During a Q&A, Hagins said she’ll worry about her next film after she finishes her SATs. First things first, Emily…

The next flick I have to mention is, of course, Dead Hooker in a Trunk. Made by the Canadian twin filmmaking team Jen and Sylvia Soska, Dead Hooker tells the story of twin sisters who are complete opposites in every way, but learn they’re more alike than either would ever have believed. Yes, it’s the most disturbing feel-good movie I’ve ever seen. Funny, violent, gory, unsettling, gratuitous, excessive and kick-ass, the flick the Soska twins have delivered is the unlikely combination of utterly derivative and wholly original. At various points, I was amazed, amused, appalled, grossed out, disgusted, delighted, confused and restless—but I was never bored. The Soskas could have fixed the “restless” issue by delivering a flick that was about 10 minutes shorter, I think. The film tells the story of four people that find the body of a hooker in their car trunk, and that is the highlight of their weekend. I left Dead Hooker in a Trunk with one main thought: It’s nice to know that women can make a film that is as bizarre and fucked up as anything made by a male. It also disproves the misconception that all Canadians are nice and normal. Way to go, ladies! Twisted Twins indeed.

Everything else playing the fest kind of ran together. Nothing was bad, but other than the fun Mis-Adventures of McT & A, only one other piece stood out for me. In fact, the short film Death in Charge might be the best thing I saw all day. Devi Snively’s movie is a darkly comic reverie that finds Death in the unexpected positions of pupil, teacher and caretaker. The shifting tone of Snively’s short was masterfully balanced—comedy gave way to tragedy, which gave way to wonder, and then inevitability. The flick was deeply affecting in ways I wasn’t expecting. Though I went in to the fest vaguely aware of her, I now can’t wait to see Snively’s upcoming feature, trippin’.

I skipped the festival’s after-party. I was pretty wasted from a full day of female-centric horror. The party was supposed to be my chance to schmooze but, truthfully, I’m such a social misfit that I would’ve just grabbed a beer and stood in a corner staring at the floor anyway. I did see Pretty/Scary founder Heidi Martinuzzi at the fest. We’ve exchanged the occasional email and she’s always been extremely nice to me. I meant to introduce myself, but every time the opportunity presented itself, she had people all around her and I didn’t want to add to her confusion. I finished the night hanging with some good friends, eating pizza and watching more horror movies. Trust me, it was the best way to end an already fantastic weekend. But next year, I’m gonna be an in-your-face networking mofo. No, really!

~Theron Neel

In Honor of President’s Day, an Update

Monday, February 15th, 2010

I hope you’re enjoying your President’s Day. Yes, it’s that wonderful holiday where we celebrate…umm…the president? Is that right? I mean, he’s the president. He has the most important job in the world. Isn’t that enough? He needs a day as well? Anyway, I was going to do a couple of “presidential horror” jokes but, let’s face it, they’re harder to come up with now that Bush has left office. (Ho ho! High comedy indeed.) Moving on…

How was your weekend? Did you see The Wolfman yet? I haven’t, though several of my fellow bloggers have. Apparently, it’s not bad. It’s just rather bloodless for a werewolf movie full of blood—you know, no there there. So, based on what they think, I think it’s going in the ol’ Netflix queue. (I trust them and so should you.) Plus, the last time I went to see a movie (Sherlock Holmes) at a theater, the whole experience was a horror: Three loud teenage boys sitting in the back talked very loudly, threw popcorn at everyone all during the flick and ran up and down the stairs repeatedly, loudly stomping their feet as loudly as possible. Oh, and did I mention they were loud? Then during the last five minutes, as the whole labyrinthine plot was being explained, the projector shifted up and all we could see were the actors’ legs. Argh! So, me and movie theaters are taking a break. We’re still friends, but we want different things, etc. Okay, enough chit-chat. I’m going to move right in to the “update” section of this post.

Slammed & Damned is moving in to its seventh month of existence and, much like America (and the office of president—hey, look at that. More presidential comedy!), it is a noble experiment in progress. I thank you for reading. Apparently more and more of you are stopping by, and returning even. Thanks so much! We’re still finding our way and figuring things out here. There are more reviews, interviews and profiles coming up that I hope you’ll enjoy and find interesting. Also, I’m thinking about ways to spice things up a bit, but more on that at a later date.

I guess that’s all for now. I just wanted to check in and touch base with you, my dear readers. I will let you get back to your President’s Day celebrations. I’ve been searching the web, looking for fun ways to celebrate President’s Day that I could suggest to you. One site recommends building a log cabin from Popsicle sticks. So there’s that. But I think maybe a scary presidential horror movie is called for. While there apparently is a slasher film out there called President’s Day, I’m going to suggest a flick that is based on terrifying true-life events—events so horrific that one shudders to think they could have actually occurred, and in America no less. The film I suggest is All the President’s Men. Great movie, true story, unbelievably scary president.

~Theron Neel

I Smell a Challenge—It’s Event Time!

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

Challenge!Yes, once again, it is Event Time! But don’t let the title of this post worry you. The challenge mentioned above is not for you, my dear readers. I promise you that you will never have to do any heavy lifting at Slammed & Damned. It’s enough that you’re here now, scanning my site as you watch TV over the top of your computer monitor, while texting and listening to your iPod.

No, the challenge I mention is for me alone. As I mentioned HERE, I’ve been having trouble meeting the (imaginary) goal I set for myself when it comes to posting each week. I look around at my fellow bloggers and I’m blown away by the quantity and quality of their posts. I went through a period last year where I posted every day for quite a while, and it almost killed me. I’ve since dropped to posting about three or four times a week—and that’s when I’m on fire. The truth is I’m just not a fast writer. One of my “regular” reviews will often take a full day to finish. I watch the flick. I think about it. If I’m lucky, I rewatch it. Then I write the review. I edit it (often as I’m writing it, which reeeeeeally slows me down). I let it sit a while. I come back and I rewrite it. I reedit it. I post it. Then I start dicking with tweaking it some more. Eventually, I decide I can’t do anything else to it, so I move to a dark corner where I sit weeping and rocking back and forth.

Blood BathI exaggerate. It’s not quite that bad. But, truthfully, I do think I need to post more. And to that end, I’ve come up with a challenge for myself. I hereby declare next week “Euro Horror Week.” Over the course of the week, I will watch and review four European horror flicks. I will. No, really. In fact, I’ve already chosen them. I bought a Euro-horror DVD four-pack several years ago, called Blood Bath, which I have never watched. I think now is the time, my friends. This will allow me to kill several birds with one DVD pack. I get to finally watch these movies and dive into a horror subgenre I’m woefully unfamiliar with. I get to challenge myself, and I get to provide you with something to read. Granted, the writing might be somewhat subpar and frantic. But, hey, what can you expect to result from a viewing frenzy but frenzied views?

Okay, here’s what’s on the menu next week (all descriptions and exclamation points are from the DVD box):

Devil’s Nightmare: A group of tourists, each representing one of the seven deadly sins, spends a terror-filled evening in a castle previously owned by a man who made a pact with Satan. Throw in Euro-beauty Erika Blanc as a homicidal succubus, and you have a truly captivating piece of vintage gothic Belgian/Italian horror.

Pieces: Forty years after a sweet-faced lad axes his mother to death when she catches him doing a nudie puzzle, college girls start meeting their demise at the hands of a chainsaw killer. It seems that he’s assembling another puzzle of a nude woman…only this time the pieces aren’t cardboard!

Kill, Baby…Kill!: A doctor investigating a young woman’s apparent suicide in a Balkan village discovers the locals believe the ghost of a baron’s daughter is responsible. The victims in the small Transylvanian village are being found dead with gold coins planted in their hearts. Director Mario Bava’s chiller stars G. Rossi Stuart and Erika Blanc. This moody and stylish film, filled with horrifically disturbing sequences, is one of Bava’s best!

Kiss Me Kill Me: Nicole is a witch who is out to possess Valentina, a young and beautiful photographer. The young photographer begins to have weird and kinky nightmares and one of her cameras acquires a deadly curse! When Valentina visits the home of Nicole, she discovers bizarre relics, a dominatrix doll and a bottomless pit in the living room. As Valentina begins to understand the strange world she’s being pulled into, Nicole begins a nightmare of her own as a mysterious killer stalks her!

Whew! I hope you’re as Euro-excited as I am! Now, a couple of notes on each film before I go!

First: The term “vintage gothic Belgian/Italian horror” has me both really excited and really questioning the things that excite me!

Second: An axe murderer, a chainsaw killer and nude college coeds in one flick? Again, I’m questioning the things that excite me!

Third: There’s a Mario Bava flick in the group! That’s cool! Let’s see if it’s really “one of Bava’s best!” It’ll be fun!

Fourth: My research tells me that Kiss Me Kill Me is also known as Baba Yaga, a flick I’ve been planning for months to review! So, yay, there’s another dead bird!!!

(Sorry, the exclamation points seem to be contagious!)

All right, there you have it—four films and four reviews in five days. Can I do it? I don’t know. All I can say is I’ve done it before. So, to borrow a phrase from Bill Cosby and Sidney Poitier, “let’s do it again.”

~Theron Neel

In the Mean Time

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

Time, thou art the cruelest of conceptsTime might well be the cruelest of concepts. It taunts me continuously with its immeasurable eternal constantness. It has always existed. It will always exist. Yet there is never enough of it. I mean, how is that even possible? While better minds than mine can most likely explain this mystery, it does nothing to solve my problem of never having enough time—time desperately needed to write quality horror-related material for you, my fine and wonderful readers.

I mention this because I am sure the more observant among you have noticed that there haven’t been as many posts as usual lately. There are several reasons for this, such as the holidays and the recent All Elvis, All Day incident. But the main reason is that Slammed & Damned has recently changed the location of its world headquarters. Make no mistake; this was a crucial move, my friends. It was necessary to allow us to stay one step ahead of Them. They are becoming smarter. I know you know to whom I refer. But I can say no more. It is imperative you be afforded plausible deniability. Just remember, the hen is in the nest. I repeat, the hen is in the nest.

Errrr, where was I? I think I blacked out for a minute. Oh yes, the move. As you can tell, it’s been hectic. You know how time-intensive a regular move is, right? Imagine the problems inherent in moving an operation the size and scope of Slammed & Damned. Just locating sufficient quarters for our purposes was a nightmare. Do you know how many management companies actually balk at having a quality collection of medieval torture devices housed on their property? More than you’d think, that’s how many.

I kid. We have no such collection. Slammed & Damned did recently find new quarters though. And everything is still in boxes. From where I sit, I see three boxes of DVDs that still need to be unpacked. Unfortunately, there really isn’t any open shelf space at the moment. So, add that to my list of things to do for which there is not enough time. Buy shelves. Yay! But worry not, I do have several movies already planned for review—goodies such as Thriller: A Cruel Picture, Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster, Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula, Baba Yaga and Virgin Witch, among others. See? I’m thinking about you, my friends. Not only do I offer you plausible deniability, I also strive to bring you the “finest” in horror entertainments. So look for those in the coming weeks. Until then, just to tie this mess all together somehow, I will leave you with a jolly photo set of medieval (and more recent) torture devices. I warn you, these are some of the most heinous contrivances known to man, so brace yourselves.

Torture Mask

Torture Devices

I have no idea what these are, but they look bad

Perhaps the worst of the lot

But then there's Kenny G

But NOTHING beats Barney

~Theron Neel